Question:
If your gonna blaspheme, at least make it worthwhile…….those jokes were
Here’s a few more for your amusement: Jesus Joke #10 The Blessed Virgin Mary comes home shouting, "Jesus, Jesus, pack your bags! I won the lottery! I’m rich!" Jesus exclaims, "Wow! That’s great! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains, or what?" The Blessed Virgin Mary says, "I don’t care. Just get the hell out of my house you lazy bastard!". Jesus Joke #11 The two ‘crucified’ thieves and Jesus all are sent to an Orientation Session in heaven and asked, "When you’re in your tomb, and your loved ones are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first thief says, "I would like to hear they say that I was the greatest thief that ever lived." The second thief says, "I would like to hear them say what a wonderful husband, father, and neighbor I was and who made everyones’ life a little happier and better." Jesus, still shakeing and trembling from his ordeal replies, " I would like to hear Jesus Joke #12 Jesus went to the doctor with two black eyes. The doctor asked "How did this happen, Jesus?" Jesus says, "It happened in church this morning, Doc. I was kneeling behind this very attractive woman. And when she stood up, I noticed her dress was wedged in the crack of her ass. So I reached over and tried to workout it out with my finger. That’s when she turned around and socked me in the eye!" "And the other eye, Jesus?", asked the doctor.” Jesus says, "Well, I figured since she didn’t like what I’d done, I’d just reach – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – you are anti_christ Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ… Why yes, I do have more Jesus ‘jokes’…..! Thank you for asking….! Jesus Jokes #1 Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis. The Madame said "Please tell me why you want a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and the Madame said "O.K., that’ll be 30 sheckles." So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out a dead frog, paused, put it back, reached into another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards, the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered "Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist, who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she’ll give it to St. Peter; He’s the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!" Jesus Jokes #2 Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the mule wouldn’t budge. All Jesus’ screaming and yelling wouldn’t budge the mule. Along came Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus’ antics. "I know how to get the mule moving," said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went behind the mule, lifted it’s tail, reached underneath; and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill, and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my balls too, cause I hav’ta catch that damn mule and return it to Noah!" Jesus Jokes #3 Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for, Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered "This is an ‘anti-Satanic’ powder. It’ll keep Satan and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech asked then "And how do you know that your pale pink powder IS effective and will keep Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well, nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted sprinkling my pale pink powder around here…..have they!" Melchizedech walked off, muttering under his breath "You crazy damn doofus….!" Jesus Jokes #4 The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor, who in turn examined her and pronounced her to be very pregnant. "But that’s impossible!" said Mary. "I’ve NEVER had sexual intercourse with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think hard….there MUST have been a instance when a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were you ‘petting’ in the back seat with your boyfriend? Were you careless around toilet seats? Were…." Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her husband Zach. And he’s MIGHTY sloppy…!" Jesus Jokes #5 Jesus asked little Noah "And what would you like to be when you grow up, little boy?" Little Noah answered "An ark-eologist, you dumb-bell…" Jesus Jokes #6 At the Last Supper, Judas asked for some of the ‘body and blood’ that Jesus was selling. Jesus said "Sure, Judas….wanna’ eat and drink it here or take it with you?" Judas answered "Both….!" Jesus Jokes #7 Jesus was helping King Solomon build the Temple. He was examining each nail, keeping some and throwing away the others. Solomon asked "Why are you throwing away so many nails, Jesus?" And Jesus answered "Because they have the head on the wrong end." Solomon thought for a moment and said "You fool! Those are for the other side of the Temple!" Jesus Jokes #8 When the villiage idiot Jesus Christ saw a sign in the post office announcing "WANTED FOR ‘resurrection’ and turned himself in! When it was explained to him that a ‘insurrectionist’ was wanted, Jesus applied for the job….! Jesus Jokes #9 At the crucifixion, the Roman soldier looked around for some wine to offer Jesus(Mk 15:23). He noticed the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying a wine jug. Grabbing the wine jug, he was going to pour Jesus a drink. But the BVM fought him off savagely, kicking, screaming, scratching, and biting the Roman soldier. He said "The hell with it" and walked off. From the cross Jesus moaned "Mother….why did you prevent the soldier from offering me a refreshing drink of wine? I’m so thirsty!" The BVM shrieked at Jesus "We’re saving it for the party tonight! T.G.I.F…..!"
Response:
If your gonna blaspheme, at least make it worthwhile…….those jokes were
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – you are anti_christ Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ… Why yes, I do have more Jesus ‘jokes’…..! Thank you for asking….! Jesus Jokes #1 Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis. The Madame said "Please tell me why you want a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and the Madame said "O.K., that’ll be 30 sheckles." So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out a dead frog, paused, put it back, reached into another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards, the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered "Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist, who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she’ll give it to St. Peter; He’s the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!" Jesus Jokes #2 Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the mule wouldn’t budge. All Jesus’ screaming and yelling wouldn’t budge the mule. Along came Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus’ antics. "I know how to get the mule moving," said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went behind the mule, lifted it’s tail, reached underneath; and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill, and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my balls too, cause I hav’ta catch that damn mule and return it to Noah!" Jesus Jokes #3 Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for, Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered "This is an ‘anti-Satanic’ powder. It’ll keep Satan and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech asked then "And how do you know that your pale pink powder IS effective and will keep Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well, nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted sprinkling my pale pink powder around here…..have they!" Melchizedech walked off, muttering under his breath "You crazy damn doofus….!" Jesus Jokes #4 The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor, who in turn examined her and pronounced her to be very pregnant. "But that’s impossible!" said Mary. "I’ve NEVER had sexual intercourse with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think hard….there MUST have been a instance when a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were you ‘petting’ in the back seat with your boyfriend? Were you careless around toilet seats? Were…." Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her husband Zach. And he’s MIGHTY sloppy…!" Jesus Jokes #5 Jesus asked little Noah "And what would you like to be when you grow up, little boy?" Little Noah answered "An ark-eologist, you dumb-bell…" Jesus Jokes #6 At the Last Supper, Judas asked for some of the ‘body and blood’ that Jesus was selling. Jesus said "Sure, Judas….wanna’ eat and drink it here or take it with you?" Judas answered "Both….!" Jesus Jokes #7 Jesus was helping King Solomon build the Temple. He was examining each nail, keeping some and throwing away the others. Solomon asked "Why are you throwing away so many nails, Jesus?" And Jesus answered "Because they have the head on the wrong end." Solomon thought for a moment and said "You fool! Those are for the other side of the Temple!" Jesus Jokes #8 When the villiage idiot Jesus Christ saw a sign in the post office announcing "WANTED FOR ‘resurrection’ and turned himself in! When it was explained to him that a ‘insurrectionist’ was wanted, Jesus applied for the job….! Jesus Jokes #9 At the crucifixion, the Roman soldier looked around for some wine to offer Jesus(Mk 15:23). He noticed the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying a wine jug. Grabbing the wine jug, he was going to pour Jesus a drink. But the BVM fought him off savagely, kicking, screaming, scratching, and biting the Roman soldier. He said "The hell with it" and walked off. From the cross Jesus moaned "Mother….why did you prevent the soldier from offering me a refreshing drink of wine? I’m so thirsty!" The BVM shrieked at Jesus "We’re saving it for the party tonight! T.G.I.F…..!"
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – you are anti_christ Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ… Why yes, I do have more Jesus ‘jokes’…..! Thank you for asking….! Jesus Jokes #1 Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis. The Madame said "Please tell me why you want a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and the Madame said "O.K., that’ll be 30 sheckles." So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out a dead frog, paused, put it back, reached into another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards, the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered "Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist, who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she’ll give it to St. Peter; He’s the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!" Jesus Jokes #2 Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the mule wouldn’t budge. All Jesus’ screaming and yelling wouldn’t budge the mule. Along came Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus’ antics. "I know how to get the mule moving," said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went behind the mule, lifted it’s tail, reached underneath; and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill, and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my balls too, cause I hav’ta catch that damn mule and return it to Noah!" Jesus Jokes #3 Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for, Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered "This is an ‘anti-Satanic’ powder. It’ll keep Satan and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech asked then "And how do you know that your pale pink powder IS effective and will keep Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well, nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted sprinkling my pale pink powder around here…..have they!" Melchizedech walked off, muttering under his breath "You crazy damn doofus….!" Jesus Jokes #4 The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor, who in turn examined her and pronounced her to be very pregnant. "But that’s impossible!" said Mary. "I’ve NEVER had sexual intercourse with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think hard….there MUST have been a instance when a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were you ‘petting’ in the back seat with your boyfriend? Were you careless around toilet seats? Were…." Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her husband Zach. And he’s MIGHTY sloppy…!" Jesus Jokes #5 Jesus asked little Noah "And what would you like to be when you grow up, little boy?" Little Noah answered "An ark-eologist, you dumb-bell…" Jesus Jokes #6 At the Last Supper, Judas asked for some of the ‘body and blood’ that Jesus was selling. Jesus said "Sure, Judas….wanna’ eat and drink it here or take it with you?" Judas answered "Both….!" Jesus Jokes #7 Jesus was helping King Solomon build the Temple. He was examining each nail, keeping some and throwing away the others. Solomon asked "Why are you throwing away so many nails, Jesus?" And Jesus answered "Because they have the head on the wrong end." Solomon thought for a moment and said "You fool! Those are for the other side of the Temple!" Jesus Jokes #8 When the villiage idiot Jesus Christ saw a sign in the post office announcing "WANTED FOR ‘resurrection’ and turned himself in! When it was explained to him that a ‘insurrectionist’ was wanted, Jesus applied for the job….! Jesus Jokes #9 At the crucifixion, the Roman soldier looked around for some wine to offer Jesus(Mk 15:23). He noticed the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying a wine jug. Grabbing the wine jug, he was going to pour Jesus a drink. But the BVM fought him off savagely, kicking, screaming, scratching, and biting the Roman soldier. He said "The hell with it" and walked off. From the cross Jesus moaned "Mother….why did you prevent the soldier from offering me a refreshing drink of wine? I’m so thirsty!" The BVM shrieked at Jesus "We’re saving it for the party tonight! T.G.I.F…..!"
****** You are such a lost soul and such a child… I guess you have nothing better to do than mock God. Well my child….and that is what you are…for nothing you say is from that of an adult mouth. Your day will come….you are walking the line I am sure you really dont want to walk. I guess you just dont know better and were never taught to have rational thought or reason.. For if you had…and did not believe n God…you wouldnt look for so much attention in these ng. I feel for you…for you really must not of got any attention as a child from your family.. Oh well…..I guess negative attention to you is some attention…. Get past the immature works Planet…and try and have some real discussion…..that is if you are capable to it…..which I doubt…..
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – you are anti_christ Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ… Why yes, I do have more Jesus ‘jokes’…..! Thank you for asking….! Jesus Jokes #1 Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis. The Madame said "Please tell me why you want a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and the Madame said "O.K., that’ll be 30 sheckles." So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out a dead frog, paused, put it back, reached into another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards, the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered "Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist, who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she’ll give it to St. Peter; He’s the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!" Jesus Jokes #2 Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the mule wouldn’t budge. All Jesus’ screaming and yelling wouldn’t budge the mule. Along came Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus’ antics. "I know how to get the mule moving," said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went behind the mule, lifted it’s tail, reached underneath; and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill, and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my balls too, cause I hav’ta catch that damn mule and return it to Noah!" Jesus Jokes #3 Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for, Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered "This is an ‘anti-Satanic’ powder. It’ll keep Satan and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech asked then "And how do you know that your pale pink powder IS effective and will keep Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well, nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted sprinkling my pale pink powder around here…..have they!" Melchizedech walked off, muttering under his breath "You crazy damn doofus….!" Jesus Jokes #4 The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor, who in turn examined her and pronounced her to be very pregnant. "But that’s impossible!" said Mary. "I’ve NEVER had sexual intercourse with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think hard….there MUST have been a instance when a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were you ‘petting’ in the back seat with your boyfriend? Were you careless around toilet seats? Were…." Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her husband Zach. And he’s MIGHTY sloppy…!" Jesus Jokes #5 Jesus asked little Noah "And what would you like to be when you grow up, little boy?" Little Noah answered "An ark-eologist, you dumb-bell…" Jesus Jokes #6 At the Last Supper, Judas asked for some of the ‘body and blood’ that Jesus was selling. Jesus said "Sure, Judas….wanna’ eat and drink it here or take it with you?" Judas answered "Both….!" Jesus Jokes #7 Jesus was helping King Solomon build the Temple. He was examining each nail, keeping some and throwing away the others. Solomon asked "Why are you throwing away so many nails, Jesus?" And Jesus answered "Because they have the head on the wrong end." Solomon thought for a moment and said "You fool! Those are for the other side of the Temple!" Jesus Jokes #8 When the villiage idiot Jesus Christ saw a sign in the post office announcing "WANTED FOR ‘resurrection’ and turned himself in! When it was explained to him that a ‘insurrectionist’ was wanted, Jesus applied for the job….! Jesus Jokes #9 At the crucifixion, the Roman soldier looked around for some wine to offer Jesus(Mk 15:23). He noticed the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying a wine jug. Grabbing the wine jug, he was going to pour Jesus a drink. But the BVM fought him off savagely, kicking, screaming, scratching, and biting the Roman soldier. He said "The hell with it" and walked off. From the cross Jesus moaned "Mother….why did you prevent the soldier from offering me a refreshing drink of wine? I’m so thirsty!" The BVM shrieked at Jesus "We’re saving it for the party tonight! T.G.I.F…..!"
Planet, you are on thin ice before a holy and righteous God, and I will pray for His mercy on you, for you truly do not know Whom you are mocking. Before you begin hacking out the usual stream of invective and mockery, I wish you would ponder these words from the book of Hebrews: "If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge his people.’ It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." (Hebrews 10:26-31). I know you don’t believe any of this, and you enjoy making fun of Christianity, but I wouldn’t be doing my job as a Christian if I didn’t at least warn you that there will be a payday, for "men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken" (Matthew 12:36). I don’t want to see you consigned to eternal punishment, and I wish you could experience the joy and freedom and fullness of life in Christ. It’s as simple as this: reject your current way of life, your mockery, and your unbelief. Believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God, the savior who died for your sins and rose from the dead. For "if you confess with your mouth ‘Jesus is Lord’, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.’ (Romans 10:9). This is my last post on this thread, because you’ll obviously treat all this as a joke, and I don’t enjoy treating serious subjects like this one flippantly. But I pray that privately you’ll consider these words and where your life is headed.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." You’re 100% WRONG. ‘yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. Vetus Testamentum XL, 4, (1990), pp.464-472, "HEEL" and "THIGH", The Concept of Sexuality…..,", by S.H. Smith has "….to swear an oath, Abraham has him place his hand ‘tht yrky’….upon his genitals…the word ‘yarek….is intimately connected with….procreation…..euphemistic uses of ‘yrk’….." Sorry, but these quotations agree with the standard lexicons and with what I’ve already written. The first one translates the meaning of the phrase "tht yrky" (literally "under my thigh") as "upon his genitals", which is indeed semantically correct, and in THIS context within THIS euphemistic phrase there certainly IS a connection with procreation. But notice that of "yarek" ITSELF he says that the word is used "euphemistic[ally]". But if "yarek" referred directly and literally to genitals, it would not be "euphemistic" would it? Bah! You quibble over my grammar and waste ‘band-width’ backing away from the issue. Here’s my exact words again: (The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’)…..’yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. If I had intended to claim that ‘yarek’ translates to ”testicles’ in each and every instance, I would have made THAT abundantly clear.
And you did with your comment above. I repeat here my original comment, and your first response to it: Me: No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." You: You’re 100% WRONG. ’yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. By this comment, which you did not delimit or qualify in any way, you give the misleading perception that ‘yarek’ is used in "common"[ly] "throughout" the Bible for this purpose. It is not. There are only 2 instances of the ‘under the thigh’ euphemistic rendering, and about 3 others which we’ve already cited above that refer to the thigh euphemistically in connection with procreation. But in the VAST majority of uses, it simply means "thigh". And you were contesting that point. My only concern here is that you were playing fast and loose with the linguistic evidence, and trying to insinuate a broader point on the basis of very scanty linguistic evidence. The clues that I did NOT intend that are: 1. I used parentheses to confine the meaning to the passage that I quoted. 2. I introduced the ‘euphemistic’ application to differentiate from the ‘literal’ application.
But you only admitted this after I forced you to clarify it. Please note that in your original post, you did not mention euphemism at all. I was the one that first pointed out, in my first response to you, that this word literally means "thigh" and that only in a handful of contexts in the OT (5, to be specific) and in combination with such words as "under the thigh", could it be taken as a euphemism for testicles. The ‘issue’ remains the obscene practices sanctioned and tolerated by your biblical God throughout your Divinely Inspired and Inerrant ‘holy’ Bible.
If this is truly the whole point of your original post, then you have indeed "wasted" your own time. There were no doubt many things done by ancient cultures that to modern sensibilities seem strange, including or especially the instance of crucifying an innocent man on a cross (Jesus Christ). And Christians have no problem acknowledging that there were some rather unusual cultural practices in the Bible. But this does not make the Bible untrue, or evil. We find it odd and even repulsive to think of grasping someone’s testicles to seal an oath, and that is just one of the many odd practices we can find rather crude in many ancient cultures. But surely they would have been even more repulsed to see the barbarity of some of our modern practices: weapons of mass destruction, the murder of millions of healthy, viable and unprotected babies in the womb, etc. My point in all this is, the Bible doesn’t ADVOCATE or ENJOIN us to engage in such ancient cultural practices; it simply reports them. And the mere fact of the Bible’s accurate reporting of such details, as well as its reporting of the very human flaws and failings of many of the biblical heroes such as the patriarchs, is a literary argument in support of the Bible’s historicity, and is one argument against the notion that the Bible (at least in Genesis) was just weaving clever myths to build up Hebrew religion. You think that by emphasizing these ancient practices that you are somehow calling into question the Bible. But 2 things can be said in response. 1) Christians can fully acknowledge the historicity of the Bible, including these practices. We welcome historical and archeological scrutiny of the Bible. Such practices are certainly odd to us moderns, but there is nothing inherently harmful or evil about them, and the Bible neither requires them nor endorses them. They were just an ancient method of doing business. 2) It seems odd that you spend so much time focusing on the minutia of the Bible and miss the larger truths being taught there: truths about human sin, God’s righteousness and grace, and redemption. These are the major themes of the Bible, and you seem to be missing the forest on account of the trees. Focusing on odd cultural practices that are rarely mentioned is not going to get you very far. If you really want to attack the substance and the heart of the Bible and Christianity, go after these major themes, and the historical events (such as the crucifixion and resurrection) that relate to them. (Godschild)) can further illuminate the issues involved in the widespread deceptions introduced into the Bible by your discredited and dishonorable ‘Ecclesiastical establishment’ and its unethical ‘Apologists’ and dishonest ‘translators’.
I can only conclude from this response that you are unwilling to admit when you are wrong. First of all, it should be noted by anyone reading this that you snipped over 90% of my last response to you, dismissing it only with the words that it’s "wasting your time." I will take this to mean that you are unable to respond substantively to my comments, and you are now simply blowing smoke trying to cover up for your ignorance about the Scriptures. It seems clear to me that you don’t even read the contexts of the passages you mock. You simply go hunting for some strange-sounding verse or phrase that you hope will allow you to "score points" against the Bible, and then you try to back it up with some pseudo-scholarly sounding discourse or quotations. This may be entertaining to you, but it is not scholarship. Second, it should be noted that you only backed away from your original, outrageous claims when I challenged you. I first introduced the concept that the word "yarek" in the phrase "under the thigh" was a euphemism. You then began to employ that phrase, as above, after I used it and you had no choice. Third, you have failed to address the point that every one of your quotations either supported the position I already held and refuted yours, or was misleading or unclear. Since you have failed to clarify these quotations and to produce valid ones that support your point, I assume you are unable to do so. Fourth, you’ve failed to acknowledge that your translation of "pahad yishaq" as the "genitals of Isaac" in Genesis 31:53 is totally unwarranted by the context or the linguistic evidence. It clearly means the "fear of his father Isaac", supported overwhelmingly by accurate translations and commentators, and your translation is wrong. Finally, you have apparently abandoned your silly etymological attempt to derive the English "testament" from "testicles" and to read that very questionable etymological view back into the ancient Hebrew text. Thus, I conclude that in this thread, you have wasted your own time. You have neither succeeded in debunking the Bible, nor have you established yourself as a credible linguist or student of Hebrew Scripture. Keep up the good work!
Response:
you are anti_christ … the spirit that possesses you can only be put asunder by Jesus Christ Son of the One True God. You know the path you have chosen and you know what awaits you. The day will envelop you without warning and you will receive your reward. The battle has been won.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ
Response:
you are anti_christ Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ…
Why yes, I do have more Jesus ‘jokes’…..! Thank you for asking….! Jesus Jokes #1 Jesus Christ went to the Bethelem whore house and asked the Madame for a girl with syphilis. The Madame said "Please tell me why you want a girl that has syphilis?" But Jesus insisted and the Madame said "O.K., that’ll be 30 sheckles." So Jesus reached under his tunic and pulled out a dead frog, paused, put it back, reached into another pocket and pulled out 30 sheckles and gave the money to the Madame. Afterwards, the Madame asked Jesus, "Why did you insist on a girl with syphilis?" And Jesus answered "Well, I want to give syphilis to my wife Mary Magdalene, who will give it to John the Baptist, who in turn will give it to my mom, the Blessed Virgin Mary, and she’ll give it to St. Peter; He’s the bastard that stepped on my pet frog!" Jesus Jokes #2 Jesus was trying to plow his corn field but the mule wouldn’t budge. All Jesus’ screaming and yelling wouldn’t budge the mule. Along came Moses, who stopped to watch the crazed Jesus’ antics. "I know how to get the mule moving," said Moses. And Jesus watched as Moses went behind the mule, lifted it’s tail, reached underneath; and the mule give a loud "Hee-Haw", leaped into the air, and dashed across the field, over the hill, and out of sight! Jesus said "What the hell did you do to the mule?" Moses answered "I just gave his balls a good squeeze!" Jesus lifted his robe and said "Well, you better squeeze my balls too, cause I hav’ta catch that damn mule and return it to Noah!" Jesus Jokes #3 Melchizedech came upon Jesus Christ sprinkling a pale pink powder around the garbage dumps outside Nazareth. "What are you doing that for, Jesus?" asked Melchizedech. Jesus answered "This is an ‘anti-Satanic’ powder. It’ll keep Satan and his minions away from the town." Melchizedech asked then "And how do you know that your pale pink powder IS effective and will keep Satan away?" Jesus giggled and replied "Well, nobody has seen Satan around here since I strarted sprinkling my pale pink powder around here…..have they!" Melchizedech walked off, muttering under his breath "You crazy damn doofus….!" Jesus Jokes #4 The Blessed Virgin Mary went to the doctor, who in turn examined her and pronounced her to be very pregnant. "But that’s impossible!" said Mary. "I’ve NEVER had sexual intercourse with a man." The Doctor replied, "Now, think hard….there MUST have been a instance when a male impregnated you. Were you raped? Were you ‘petting’ in the back seat with your boyfriend? Were you careless around toilet seats? Were…." Mary exclaimed "THAT must be it! I sleep in the same room with my cousin Elisabeth and her husband Zach. And he’s MIGHTY sloppy…!" Jesus Jokes #5 Jesus asked little Noah "And what would you like to be when you grow up, little boy?" Little Noah answered "An ark-eologist, you dumb-bell…" Jesus Jokes #6 At the Last Supper, Judas asked for some of the ‘body and blood’ that Jesus was selling. Jesus said "Sure, Judas….wanna’ eat and drink it here or take it with you?" Judas answered "Both….!" Jesus Jokes #7 Jesus was helping King Solomon build the Temple. He was examining each nail, keeping some and throwing away the others. Solomon asked "Why are you throwing away so many nails, Jesus?" And Jesus answered "Because they have the head on the wrong end." Solomon thought for a moment and said "You fool! Those are for the other side of the Temple!" Jesus Jokes #8 When the villiage idiot Jesus Christ saw a sign in the post office announcing "WANTED FOR ‘resurrection’ and turned himself in! When it was explained to him that a ‘insurrectionist’ was wanted, Jesus applied for the job….! Jesus Jokes #9 At the crucifixion, the Roman soldier looked around for some wine to offer Jesus(Mk 15:23). He noticed the Blessed Virgin Mary was carrying a wine jug. Grabbing the wine jug, he was going to pour Jesus a drink. But the BVM fought him off savagely, kicking, screaming, scratching, and biting the Roman soldier. He said "The hell with it" and walked off. From the cross Jesus moaned "Mother….why did you prevent the soldier from offering me a refreshing drink of wine? I’m so thirsty!" The BVM shrieked at Jesus "We’re saving it for the party tonight! T.G.I.F…..!"
Response:
‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. As I have had one of my testicles removed because of Cancer, would that mean my contract would only be half binding, or would the other party have to grab twice as hard? Contractor.
Did you hear the one about Jesus Christ having THREE balls…? He made it pay when he’d go into a bar and bet any guy there that between the two of them, they had FIVE balls! But then came the day when the guy Jesus was trying to entice into his standard wager told Jesus that "Well buddy, YOU’D better have FOUR balls cause I only got ONE….!"
Response:
‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles.
As I have had one of my testicles removed because of Cancer, would that mean my contract would only be half binding, or would the other party have to grab twice as hard? Contractor.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." You’re 100% WRONG. ‘yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. Vetus Testamentum XL, 4, (1990), pp.464-472, "HEEL" and "THIGH", The Concept of Sexuality…..,", by S.H. Smith has "….to swear an oath, Abraham has him place his hand ‘tht yrky’….upon his genitals…the word ‘yarek….is intimately connected with….procreation…..euphemistic uses of ‘yrk’….." Sorry, but these quotations agree with the standard lexicons and with what I’ve already written. The first one translates the meaning of the phrase "tht yrky" (literally "under my thigh") as "upon his genitals", which is indeed semantically correct, and in THIS context within THIS euphemistic phrase there certainly IS a connection with procreation. But notice that of "yarek" ITSELF he says that the word is used "euphemistic[ally]". But if "yarek" referred directly and literally to genitals, it would not be "euphemistic" would it?
Bah! You quibble over my grammar and waste ‘band-width’ backing away from the issue. Here’s my exact words again: (The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’)…..’yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible.
If I had intended to claim that ‘yarek’ translates to ”testicles’ in each and every instance, I would have made THAT abundantly clear. The clues that I did NOT intend that are: 1. I used parentheses to confine the meaning to the passage that I quoted. 2. I introduced the ‘euphemistic’ application to differentiate from the ‘literal’ application. The ‘issue’ remains the obscene practices sanctioned and tolerated by your biblical God throughout your Divinely Inspired and Inerrant ‘holy’ Bible. (Godschild)) can further illuminate the issues involved in the widespread deceptions introduced into the Bible by your discredited and dishonorable ‘Ecclesiastical establishment’ and its unethical ‘Apologists’ and dishonest ‘translators’.
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." You’re 100% WRONG. ‘yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. Vetus Testamentum XL, 4, (1990), pp.464-472, "HEEL" and "THIGH", The Concept of Sexuality…..,", by S.H. Smith has "….to swear an oath, Abraham has him place his hand ‘tht yrky’….upon his genitals…the word ‘yarek….is intimately connected with….procreation…..euphemistic uses of ‘yrk’….."
Sorry, but these quotations agree with the standard lexicons and with what I’ve already written. The first one translates the meaning of the phrase "tht yrky" (literally "under my thigh") as "upon his genitals", which is indeed semantically correct, and in THIS context within THIS euphemistic phrase there certainly IS a connection with procreation. But notice that of "yarek" ITSELF he says that the word is used "euphemistic[ally]". But if "yarek" referred directly and literally to genitals, it would not be "euphemistic" would it? It IS euphemistic, which means an indirect and polite way of referring to something private, and it is euphemistic because it normally means thigh. Is this not exactly what I’ve already said? In the above passage, the literal translation of "yarek", as everywhere in the Bible, is the thigh, the part of the leg between the knee and the hip. There is NO debate about this. In THIS context, and in this particular phrase "put your hand under my thigh", the phrase itself is a euphemistic way of saying grasp the genitals. I AGREE with that. The part I don’t agree with, and the part that you seem to be missing, is that the word "yarek" by itself still refers to the physical part of the body called the thigh. So, for example, in Judges 3:21, when Ehud drew his sword from his right thigh, I think it means his right thigh. This and many similar uses will indicate that "yarek" means "thigh" in the Hebrew, and that it is only in combination with other words in certain euphemistics phrases (such as "put your hand under my thigh") that its semantic content is equivalent to grasping the genitals. There are only a handful of these euphemistic uses in the Bible, and of these, only the 2 I mentioned above refer to the custom of "putting the hand under the thigh." But the vast majority of uses, and the first meaning of "yarek" given in the lexicons, is the literal thigh. Otherwise, how are you going to account for the standard references to the human thigh in the Bible? Are you trying to say that Ehud drew his sword from his right genitals? What a hoot! The "Theological Dictionary of the O.T.", Vol. 4, pp. 441-444, has "…..ancient custom for someone taking an oath to place his hand ‘under the thigh’(‘tachath yarekh) of the other party.(footnote 9 has "KBL, 419").
This quotation adds nothing to your point, for I already agree as I stated in my first post and restated here, that the phrase "under the thigh" refers to the genitals. But you are trying to make the broader point that the word "yarek" (thigh) BY ITSELF must mean genitals throughout the Hebrew Bible. I think you even used the word "throughout" above, did you not? And that claim is demonstrably false, for in the majority of usages, such as the one I cited from Judges, it is CLEAR that the word simply and literally means "thigh". ‘Yarek’ as a euphemism for ‘genitals’ and ‘testicles’ is found in (typically): V.T XXXI, 3 (1981), pp 269-281 "The Case Of An Immodest Lady…..", Lyle Eslinger having "….’yarek’, usually translated as ‘thigh’, can also refer to male and female genitals…."; and additional resources found in footnote 18.
This quote also is in full agreement with what I think, and with the evidence of Scripture. Please notice, my friend, your own quote: it says "’yarek’, usually translated as thigh." And it adds that it CAN refer to genitals, which I agree with in the case of the euphemism "under the thigh." But again, this in no way supports your claim that "yarek" means genitals throughout the Hebrew Bible. In fact, this quote refutes your own claim, because it seems to suggest that it normally does refer literally to the human thigh. V.T. XXXIV, (1984) "On The Suspected Adultress.." T. Frymer-Kensky, pp. 19, has "Since ‘yarek’ is well attested as a
I agree that "yarek" can refer to the male genitalia. But I do not see this writer saying anything that supports your more radical point, which appears to be that "yarek" always or mostly refers to the genitalia. This writer is simply saying, here is one possible meaning of this word, which is well attested. I agree with that, particularly when "yarek" is used as part of the euphemistic "under the thigh" phrase, where the context and phrase itself make the meaning fairly clear. We have the 2 instances of this usage in the Bible that I have already cited above. And we have three other references to the "thigh" or "loins" that use this word, and are probably referring euphemistically to the procreative aspect (Gen 46:26; Ex. 1:5, Ju 8:30). But this writer is NOT saying that "yarek" always, or even usually, refers to the genitalia. And that is because it doesn’t. As your own quote from above states, it "usually" is translated thigh. And that’s my point. Could go on and on and on here.
Well, I’m sure you could, but if you keep giving quotes that support my point and refute yours, you won’t be accomplishing much for yourself. How much will it take to get your attention?
How much will it take to get you to read and comprehend your own quotes? And how much will it take to get you to just read the Bible itself with some common sense and objectivity? Doesn’t it make sense to you that the ancient Hebrews had a word for thigh ("yarek"), which normally refers literally to the thigh, but in a few contexts and combined with certain words, it can mean genitals? Otherwise how can you account for the many passages like the Judges 3:21 example I gave, where it is CLEAR that it refers to the actual thigh? Let’s focus on this example to make my point. How would you translate the passage that says "Ehud drew his sword from his right thigh"? Please notice also that the other – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – euphemistic way of telling someone to grasp the testicles and take an oath. Further, I’m not sure how you are trying to bring the word "testament" into it. Testament is an English word, carried over from Middle English which borrowed it from Latin, and it is sometimes used to translate biblical words for covenant or the final will of an individual. But Genesis was written in Hebrew, not English, so why are you trying to make an issue of the linguistic similarity between the English words "testament" and "testicles"? That seems irrelevant, and has nothing to do with the historical meaning of the passage. In the original Hebrew of this passage, there is no etymological connection between the "oath" that Abraham asked his servant to swear, and the euphemistic phrase "under the thigh." In other words, the oath or covenant had no necessary connection to the practice of placing the hand under the thigh. Covenants were often sealed in other ways, such as making an animal sacrifice (see God’s covenant with Abraham, Genesis 15). The important thing was the content of the covenant or promise itself, not the cultural practice used to ratify the covenant. A second incident occurs between Jacob and his uncle Laban when they make a compact concerning Rachel and Leah. The incident begins "Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou…And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar…and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap…And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day…if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters…Behold this heap, and be- hold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee…And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac."(Genesis 31:44-53). The Hebrew phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translated ‘fear of his father’, means ‘father’s testicles’. The image of the upright thrusting pillar, and the stones at it’s base, leave little to the imagination in any event. Actually, you’ve badly misunderstood this passage. First of all, the context
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Response:
The only "TESTICLES" well in hand….!!! ought to be yours in my hand, so I "Could rebuke them sharply" Titus 1:13 (KJV). It might awaken you out of your foolish stuper… For you are certainly fulfilling Scriptual prophesy "Evil men and SEDUCERS shall wax WORSE and WORSE, decieved, and being decieved"
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." You’re 100% WRONG. ‘yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. Vetus Testamentum XL, 4, (1990), pp.464-472, "HEEL" and "THIGH", The Concept of Sexuality…..,", by S.H. Smith has "….to swear an oath, Abraham has him place his hand ‘tht yrky’….upon his genitals…the word ‘yarek….is intimately connected with….procreation…..euphemistic uses of ‘yrk’….." The "Theological Dictionary of the O.T.", Vol. 4, pp. 441-444, has "…..ancient custom for someone taking an oath to place his hand ‘under the thigh’(‘tachath yarekh) of the other party.(footnote 9 has "KBL, 419"). ‘Yarek’ as a euphemism for ‘genitals’ and ‘testicles’ is found in (typically): V.T XXXI, 3 (1981), pp 269-281 "The Case Of An Immodest Lady…..", Lyle Eslinger having "….’yarek’, usually translated as ‘thigh’, can also refer to male and female genitals…."; and additional resources found in footnote 18. V.T. XXXIV, (1984) "On The Suspected Adultress.." T. Frymer-Kensky, pp. 19, has "Since ‘yarek’ is well attested as a Could go on and on and on here. How much will it take to get your attention? euphemistic way of telling someone to grasp the testicles and take an oath. Further, I’m not sure how you are trying to bring the word "testament" into it. Testament is an English word, carried over from Middle English which borrowed it from Latin, and it is sometimes used to translate biblical words for covenant or the final will of an individual. But Genesis was written in Hebrew, not English, so why are you trying to make an issue of the linguistic similarity between the English words "testament" and "testicles"? That seems irrelevant, and has nothing to do with the historical meaning of the passage. In the original Hebrew of this passage, there is no etymological connection between the "oath" that Abraham asked his servant to swear, and the euphemistic phrase "under the thigh." In other words, the oath or covenant had no necessary connection to the practice of placing the hand under the thigh. Covenants were often sealed in other ways, such as making an animal sacrifice (see God’s covenant with Abraham, Genesis 15). The important thing was the content of the covenant or promise itself, not the cultural practice used to ratify the covenant. A second incident occurs between Jacob and his uncle Laban when they make a compact concerning Rachel and Leah. The incident begins "Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou…And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar…and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap…And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day…if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters…Behold this heap, and be- hold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee…And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac."(Genesis 31:44-53). The Hebrew phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translated ‘fear of his father’, means ‘father’s testicles’. The image of the upright thrusting pillar, and the stones at it’s base, leave little to the imagination in any event. Actually, you’ve badly misunderstood this passage. First of all, the context indicates your translation is impossible. How could Jacob take an oath "by his father’s testicles" if his father wasn’t there? It was LABAN that Jacob was dealing with; Isaac was back in the vicinity of Kiriath Arba (Hebron). Secondly, although the Hebrew word pahad can mean thigh, there is only one instance of this usage of the word cited in the Hebrew Bible, according to Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, and that usage is in Job 40:17. That single usage of the word is thought to be a loan word from Aramaic, and is so rarely used that it has no bearing on the meaning of this passage. By an overwhelming usage count, the common meaning of pahad in biblical Hebrew was "fear" or "dread." Nearly all translations, including the one you’ve cited, translate the phrase as "the fear of his father Isaac." And in this particular context, the "Fear of his father Isaac" is a reference to God himself. In other words, Laban is saying, swear by the fearsome God of your father Isaac. You’re WRONG ‘again’. V.T., XXXV, 2, 1985, pp.192-200, "More On ‘Pahad Yishaq’…Oath By The Thigh" by Meir Malul. He has ‘yarek’=thigh testicles (footnote #7): and "…the thigh, as a euphemism for the genitals…."; and ‘Beth Mikra’ 14, pp.40…."oath by the thigh, namely by the genitals (the use of the word ‘yarek’, ‘thigh’, as a euphemism for genitals is found also in Gen 46:26, Ex 1:5, Judges 8:30….." (footnote 9); and "However, internal biblical evidence shows clearly that the word for ‘thigh’ is a euphemism for ‘genitals’… ‘pahad yishaq’ would then mean literally ‘GENITALS OF ISAAC’….."; and "Isaac takes an oath while touching Abraham’s thigh, ie, genitals…."; and "the word ‘yarek’ in these passages is used euphemistically of ‘genitals’; and "Speiser (‘Genesis, pp.178)…..an oath…. touching of this vital part entails the threat of sterility….." (footnote 22). Did you get the part about the phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translating literally correct as ‘GENITALS OF ISAAC’…..? etc, etc, etc, etc, The male reproductive organs were held to be sacred by the Israelite God, Yahweh, and altogether appropriate for oath taking. It is true that the Patriarchs in 2 instances ratified their final wills by having someone place their hand under the thigh, but that was just a cultural practice of the day, akin to our exchange of rings and vows in a wedding ceremony. If God accomodated to the language and customs of the people he was communicating with, as he did when ratified his covenant with Abraham by means of an animal sacrifice in Genesis 15, what difference does that make? What’s your point? I suspect it’d be all too subtle for you to grasp at this time. Later, Jacob concludes another ‘testament’ in the incident "And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:"(Genesis 47:29). Yes, this is the second usage of this phrase in Genesis. Surely some of you readers have wondered about the source of the word ‘testament’ in our English language? As a matter of fact, it does not make me wonder that at all. If our English word "testament", which comes from medieval Latin, and our word for "testicle" both derive etymologically from a common root word (both are related to the Latin word "testis", which means a witness), that may be of some interest to linguists. But it does not prove that "testament" came from "testicle", for the etymology of "testament" predates the first known use of testicle. All you can see is that these 2 words both seem to be related to a common root. You’re WRONG ‘again’…..! Any good dictionary will take the wonder out of it. "Testament" derives from Latin *testamentum*, meaning "a will." "Testicle" derives from *testiculus*, a diminutive of *testis*, which means "witness." *Testes* is not only one of the words we use in place of the word "testicles," but also the Latin plural of *testis*. As the Romans used the term, the testes were witnesses to (evidence of) virility. More importantly, this little etymological excursus distracts from the real point, which is that you are trying to make a mockery of God’s covenants in So you were WRONG on every single point….! (Damned ‘LYING’ Christian
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Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh."
You’re 100% WRONG. ‘yarek’ is the common Biblical euphamism for ‘testicles’ found throughout your ‘holy’ Bible. Vetus Testamentum XL, 4, (1990), pp.464-472, "HEEL" and "THIGH", The Concept of Sexuality…..,", by S.H. Smith has "….to swear an oath, Abraham has him place his hand ‘tht yrky’….upon his genitals…the word ‘yarek….is intimately connected with….procreation…..euphemistic uses of ‘yrk’….." The "Theological Dictionary of the O.T.", Vol. 4, pp. 441-444, has "…..ancient custom for someone taking an oath to place his hand ‘under the thigh’(‘tachath yarekh) of the other party.(footnote 9 has "KBL, 419"). ‘Yarek’ as a euphemism for ‘genitals’ and ‘testicles’ is found in (typically): V.T XXXI, 3 (1981), pp 269-281 "The Case Of An Immodest Lady…..", Lyle Eslinger having "….’yarek’, usually translated as ‘thigh’, can also refer to male and female genitals…."; and additional resources found in footnote 18. V.T. XXXIV, (1984) "On The Suspected Adultress.." T. Frymer-Kensky, pp. 19, has "Since ‘yarek’ is well attested as a Could go on and on and on here. How much will it take to get your attention? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – euphemistic way of telling someone to grasp the testicles and take an oath. Further, I’m not sure how you are trying to bring the word "testament" into it. Testament is an English word, carried over from Middle English which borrowed it from Latin, and it is sometimes used to translate biblical words for covenant or the final will of an individual. But Genesis was written in Hebrew, not English, so why are you trying to make an issue of the linguistic similarity between the English words "testament" and "testicles"? That seems irrelevant, and has nothing to do with the historical meaning of the passage. In the original Hebrew of this passage, there is no etymological connection between the "oath" that Abraham asked his servant to swear, and the euphemistic phrase "under the thigh." In other words, the oath or covenant had no necessary connection to the practice of placing the hand under the thigh. Covenants were often sealed in other ways, such as making an animal sacrifice (see God’s covenant with Abraham, Genesis 15). The important thing was the content of the covenant or promise itself, not the cultural practice used to ratify the covenant. A second incident occurs between Jacob and his uncle Laban when they make a compact concerning Rachel and Leah. The incident begins "Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou…And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar…and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap…And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day…if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters…Behold this heap, and be- hold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee…And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac."(Genesis 31:44-53). The Hebrew phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translated ‘fear of his father’, means ‘father’s testicles’. The image of the upright thrusting pillar, and the stones at it’s base, leave little to the imagination in any event. Actually, you’ve badly misunderstood this passage. First of all, the context indicates your translation is impossible. How could Jacob take an oath "by his father’s testicles" if his father wasn’t there? It was LABAN that Jacob was dealing with; Isaac was back in the vicinity of Kiriath Arba (Hebron). Secondly, although the Hebrew word pahad can mean thigh, there is only one instance of this usage of the word cited in the Hebrew Bible, according to Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, and that usage is in Job 40:17. That single usage of the word is thought to be a loan word from Aramaic, and is so rarely used that it has no bearing on the meaning of this passage. By an overwhelming usage count, the common meaning of pahad in biblical Hebrew was "fear" or "dread." Nearly all translations, including the one you’ve cited, translate the phrase as "the fear of his father Isaac." And in this particular context, the "Fear of his father Isaac" is a reference to God himself. In other words, Laban is saying, swear by the fearsome God of your father Isaac.
You’re WRONG ‘again’. V.T., XXXV, 2, 1985, pp.192-200, "More On ‘Pahad Yishaq’…Oath By The Thigh" by Meir Malul. He has ‘yarek’=thigh testicles (footnote #7): and "…the thigh, as a euphemism for the genitals…."; and ‘Beth Mikra’ 14, pp.40…."oath by the thigh, namely by the genitals (the use of the word ‘yarek’, ‘thigh’, as a euphemism for genitals is found also in Gen 46:26, Ex 1:5, Judges 8:30….." (footnote 9); and "However, internal biblical evidence shows clearly that the word for ‘thigh’ is a euphemism for ‘genitals’… ‘pahad yishaq’ would then mean literally ‘GENITALS OF ISAAC’….."; and "Isaac takes an oath while touching Abraham’s thigh, ie, genitals…."; and "the word ‘yarek’ in these passages is used euphemistically of ‘genitals’; and "Speiser (‘Genesis, pp.178)…..an oath…. touching of this vital part entails the threat of sterility….." (footnote 22). Did you get the part about the phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translating literally correct as ‘GENITALS OF ISAAC’…..? etc, etc, etc, etc, The male reproductive organs were held to be sacred by the Israelite God, Yahweh, and altogether appropriate for oath taking. It is true that the Patriarchs in 2 instances ratified their final wills by having someone place their hand under the thigh, but that was just a cultural practice of the day, akin to our exchange of rings and vows in a wedding ceremony. If God accomodated to the language and customs of the people he was communicating with, as he did when ratified his covenant with Abraham by means of an animal sacrifice in Genesis 15, what difference does that make? What’s your point?
I suspect it’d be all too subtle for you to grasp at this time. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Later, Jacob concludes another ‘testament’ in the incident "And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:"(Genesis 47:29). Yes, this is the second usage of this phrase in Genesis. Surely some of you readers have wondered about the source of the word ‘testament’ in our English language? As a matter of fact, it does not make me wonder that at all. If our English word "testament", which comes from medieval Latin, and our word for "testicle" both derive etymologically from a common root word (both are related to the Latin word "testis", which means a witness), that may be of some interest to linguists. But it does not prove that "testament" came from "testicle", for the etymology of "testament" predates the first known use of testicle. All you can see is that these 2 words both seem to be related to a common root.
You’re WRONG ‘again’…..! Any good dictionary will take the wonder out of it. "Testament" derives from Latin *testamentum*, meaning "a will." "Testicle" derives from *testiculus*, a diminutive of *testis*, which means "witness." *Testes* is not only one of the words we use in place of the word "testicles," but also the Latin plural of *testis*. As the Romans used the term, the testes were witnesses to (evidence of) virility. More importantly, this little etymological excursus distracts from the real point, which is that you are trying to make a mockery of God’s covenants in
So you were WRONG on every single point….! (Damned ‘LYING’ Christian ‘Apologists’….!)
Response:
‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles. The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac. A second incident occurs between Jacob and his uncle Laban when they make a compact concerning Rachel and Leah. The incident begins "Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou…And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar…and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap…And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day…if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters…Behold this heap, and be- hold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee…And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac."(Genesis 31:44-53). The Hebrew phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translated ‘fear of his father’, means ‘father’s testicles’. The image of the upright thrusting pillar, and the stones at it’s base, leave little to the imagination in any event. The male reproductive organs were held to be sacred by the Israelite God, Yahweh, and altogether appropriate for oath taking. The testament was thereby considered a sacred pact between the two protagonists. In spite of which, the amoral Jacob goes on to father "…sons of Bilhah, and sons of Zilpah, his…(other) wives…"(Genesis 37:2). In all, Jacob fathers "All the souls…of his loins…were threescore and six;"(Genesis 46:26); or "…all the souls that came out of the loins of Jacob were seventy souls…"(Exodus 1:5). Here, one can take their pick as to how many children Jacob fathered. Later, Jacob concludes another ‘testament’ in the incident "And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:"(Genesis 47:29). Surely some of you readers have wondered about the source of the word ‘testament’ in our English language? Kinda makes one wonder about the source of other English words such as ‘hypocrisy’, ’religion’, ‘dogma’, ‘Jesus Christ’, ‘priest’, ‘Easter’, and so on, doesn’t it? Meanwhile, let’s all continue to enjoy and marvel over the contents of our by any measure.
Response:
‘TESTICLES’ & ‘TESTAMENTS’ It was customary in Biblical times for males to seal a contract or agreement by CLUTCHING and GRASPING each other’s testicles.
Although it did happen, we don’t have enough information to say it was "customary," since it is only referenced twice in the Bible (Genesis 24:2, 9; and Genesis 47:29), both in contexts where the patriarch was near death and was asking someone to carry out their will on a solemn oath. Apparently it was culturally accepted, usually translated euphemistically as placing the hand "under the thigh." The first ‘testament’ occurs when "…Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that hehad, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:" (Genesis 24:2), and "…the servant put his hand under the thigh of Abraham his master, and sware to him concerning that matter."(Genesis 24:9– –The Hebrew word ‘yarek’ translated ‘thigh’, means ‘testicles’). This ‘matter’ was about finding an appropriate wife for Isaac.
No, actually the Hebrew word translated "thigh" means "thigh." A typical usage occurs in Judges 3:21, where it says that Ehud "drew the sword from his right thigh." To put the hand "under the thigh" was a figurative, euphemistic way of telling someone to grasp the testicles and take an oath. Further, I’m not sure how you are trying to bring the word "testament" into it. Testament is an English word, carried over from Middle English which borrowed it from Latin, and it is sometimes used to translate biblical words for covenant or the final will of an individual. But Genesis was written in Hebrew, not English, so why are you trying to make an issue of the linguistic similarity between the English words "testament" and "testicles"? That seems irrelevant, and has nothing to do with the historical meaning of the passage. In the original Hebrew of this passage, there is no etymological connection between the "oath" that Abraham asked his servant to swear, and the euphemistic phrase "under the thigh." In other words, the oath or covenant had no necessary connection to the practice of placing the hand under the thigh. Covenants were often sealed in other ways, such as making an animal sacrifice (see God’s covenant with Abraham, Genesis 15). The important thing was the content of the covenant or promise itself, not the cultural practice used to ratify the covenant. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – A second incident occurs between Jacob and his uncle Laban when they make a compact concerning Rachel and Leah. The incident begins "Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou…And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar…and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap…And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day…if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters…Behold this heap, and be- hold this pillar, which I have cast betwixt me and thee…And Jacob sware by the fear of his father Isaac."(Genesis 31:44-53). The Hebrew phrase ‘pahad yishaq’ translated ‘fear of his father’, means ‘father’s testicles’. The image of the upright thrusting pillar, and the stones at it’s base, leave little to the imagination in any event.
Actually, you’ve badly misunderstood this passage. First of all, the context indicates your translation is impossible. How could Jacob take an oath "by his father’s testicles" if his father wasn’t there? It was LABAN that Jacob was dealing with; Isaac was back in the vicinity of Kiriath Arba (Hebron). Secondly, although the Hebrew word pahad can mean thigh, there is only one instance of this usage of the word cited in the Hebrew Bible, according to Brown-Driver-Briggs Hebrew Lexicon, and that usage is in Job 40:17. That single usage of the word is thought to be a loan word from Aramaic, and is so rarely used that it has no bearing on the meaning of this passage. By an overwhelming usage count, the common meaning of pahad in biblical Hebrew was "fear" or "dread." Nearly all translations, including the one you’ve cited, translate the phrase as "the fear of his father Isaac." And in this particular context, the "Fear of his father Isaac" is a reference to God himself. In other words, Laban is saying, swear by the fearsome God of your father Isaac. The male reproductive organs were held to be sacred by the Israelite God, Yahweh, and altogether appropriate for oath taking.
It is true that the Patriarchs in 2 instances ratified their final wills by having someone place their hand under the thigh, but that was just a cultural practice of the day, akin to our exchange of rings and vows in a wedding ceremony. If God accomodated to the language and customs of the people he was communicating with, as he did when ratified his covenant with Abraham by means of an animal sacrifice in Genesis 15, what difference does that make? What’s your point? The testament was thereby considered a sacred pact between the two protagonists. In spite of which, the amoral Jacob goes on to father "…sons of Bilhah, and sons of Zilpah, his…(other) wives…"(Genesis 37:2). In all, Jacob fathers "All the souls…of his loins…were threescore and six;"(Genesis 46:26); or "…all the souls that came out of the loins of Jacob were seventy souls…"(Exodus 1:5). Here, one can take their pick as to how many children Jacob fathered.
Agreed, Jacob was often not an admirable character. But again, what’s your point? If the early accounts of the Patriarchs were simply mythical fabrications designed to sustain faith in in idealistic but imaginary past, surely they would have sugar-coated Jacob’s flaws and made him out to be more of a hero. But the Bible in no way downplays Jacob’s shortcomings, and a very significant part of the message of Genesis is that God’s GRACE was the basis for his covenant with Israel, not the merits of the patriarchs themselves. You think that by highlighting Jacob’s flaws you’re somehow undermining the Bible, but the Bible’s very point is that Jacob WAS deeply flawed, and in spite of that fact, God graciously upheld his covenant and continued working through Jacob’s line to further His redemptive plan. Later, Jacob concludes another ‘testament’ in the incident "And the time drew nigh that Israel must die: and he called his son Joseph, and said unto him, If now I have found grace in thy sight, put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh, and deal kindly and truly with me; bury me not, I pray thee, in Egypt:"(Genesis 47:29).
Yes, this is the second usage of this phrase in Genesis. Surely some of you readers have wondered about the source of the word ‘testament’ in our English language?
As a matter of fact, it does not make me wonder that at all. If our English word "testament", which comes from medieval Latin, and our word for "testicle" both derive etymologically from a common root word (both are related to the Latin word "testis", which means a witness), that may be of some interest to linguists. But it does not prove that "testament" came from "testicle", for the etymology of "testament" predates the first known use of testicle. All you can see is that these 2 words both seem to be related to a common root. More importantly, this little etymological excursus distracts from the real point, which is that you are trying to make a mockery of God’s covenants in the Bible by making an association with a cultural practice that modern civilized cultures find odd. But you have not succeeded, because you have mistranslated one of your passages above, and in the other two cases, you seem to be implying that the entire concept of covenant or testament in the Bible is derived from or synonymous with placing the hand "under the thigh." That is not true; the concept of covenant transcends any particular cultural practices, and covenants could be (and were) made and ratified in a variety of ways throughout the Bible. To name just a few, convenants could be ratified by animal sacrifice (Genesis 15), a rainbow (Genesis 9), a promise to David that his line would have an eternal reign (2 Samuel 7), and ultimately by the blood of Christ (Matthew 26:28). The important thing about covenants between God and man is the content of the covenant, the promise of God that he will graciously act on our behalf. To try to reduce the biblical covenant to a rarely mentioned, odd cultural practice, based on an anachronistic reading of modern languages back into the original text as you have done, is absurd. Kinda makes one wonder about the source of other English words such as ‘hypocrisy’, ’religion’, ‘dogma’, ‘Jesus Christ’, ‘priest’, ‘Easter’, and so on, doesn’t it?
No it doesn’t. You have not succeeded in calling into question a whole range of important Christian concepts, just based on your tendentious attempt to equate "testament" with "testicles", and then read that concept back into the ancient Hebrew. Dabbling in the etymology of English words may be interesting, but it has little bearing on the meaning of the Bible, which was written in Greek, Hebrew, and a few instances of Aramaic. [snip]
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